Consciously Incompetent

4 weeks had passed since I started my medical posting. End of posting(EOP) exam is in two weeks time and yet I'm still feeling dumb, incompetent. Or is it supposed to be normal?

I can't help but keep wondering how 4 months of  medical posting could adequately prepare us for our housemanship in the future. Gosh, to make things worse, everyone learns different stuff, clerking patients is entirely dependent on your own initiative, we still do not have actual clinical responsibilities in the wards(and yeah no one knows you!), and are practically pretty much blocking the paths most of the time LOL. 

And if you could find one keyword from the paragraph above, INITIATIVE it is! Well I consider myself to be rather motivated in terms of clerking patients. Could have been bold enough to approach the doctors to present cases to them more often, wish to have realised this earlier, is it too late now? T.T  

As for blood taking, it's not required to be learned(nor it is stated anywhere) in this particular rotation, and Dr L was so surprised to hear this, and hence, demanded us to be in the ward to help in blood taking, at 7am in the morning. We were so excited at the first week, and were so fortunate to have nice and kind housemen that were willing to teach us. Dr Kian was like a super nice big brother. My first successful attempt was under the supervision of lengzai Dr Ien. Dr S was so charming and angelic her charismatic personality was everything I wished to be like. My groupmates even made me tell her that she's pretty. *flushed! As for now, due to chronic lethargy syndrome, I doubt if any of us still go to the ward that early hahaha. Oh I guess our lack of motivation was partly due to the unfriendliness portrayed to us by the new batch of housemen. CRBF lol. 

Dr L has been very eager to teach. The end of week 4 also marked the end of his duty to be our tutor. There'll be a new Dr guiding us for the rest of our medical posting. He is undoubtedly frighteningly knowledgeable, but he can be rather OCD sometimes that would drive us crazy. There was once when he taught us fundoscopy, and he got frustrated because the nauseous me couldn't get my groupmate's fundus no matter how hard I try. T.T 

The questions that he posted to us(as well as the answers!!!) would very often render us having absence seizure.

All in all he had been a great tutor. Ohh he welcome us to his clinics yay.

Dedicated my first on call to Dr jiangyuzai !!! *love emoji love emoji haha   

Somehow I have always admired her and wanted to know her more although she's well known as one of the strictest lecturers. 

Despite the bitter face that she constantly puts on, as well as the 'shhhhhh's that she threw at us when some of us were chit chatting whilst she was grueling her brain trying to figure out what's wrong with the patient, she's simply charismatic and confident. She was so focused. She's sooooo cool! 

(and rather cute imo hahahahahahahaha) 

She gave my group a lame joke before we left the ED, and she had to stay till the next morning, apparently. 

And I met her again the next day in the ward! *love emoji hahaha

I actually saw her in one of the cubicles and was surprised as I thought she would be at home, resting already. 

She probably recognised me when she walked by and saw me looking at one of the computers.

She looked at me, moved her focus onto my black Adidas running shoes, and looked back at me again. 

"Naughty boy..."  She said to me, and walked away...............

***palpitation alert!!!!!

***love emojiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssss

Hoping to have the chance to be taught by her soon hahaha!

Ohh by the way, as cool as it may sound, our "on call" as third year medical students was nothing but following the doctors in the ED(and annoying them for 'following' too closely), congesting ourselves to look at the computer screens and of course as routine, blocking the roads haha.  

Poh Poh and I somehow talked about the idea of getting an MRCP in the future. For now, it's one of my long term goals, but I will certainly love to achieve it in the shortest possible time. It definitely requires unimaginable hardwork and perseverance, clinical knowledge and experiences, which I'm currently lacking of. How I wish I was a talented nerd that would study day and night haha. Maybe I already am. T.T     

On a side note, let's keep the options wide. Surgery, paeds or even Obs & Gynae might be the actual calling too!

and thanks szelingling, my gtee and first on call mate aww haha, for listening to me that night. It's really so nice and relieving to have someone to talk to about all these things.  

I don't know what I want.  

Maybe I do.......