Reflective essay which was submitted to the dept haha

Two months have passed since I started my medical posting, and I will be starting my surgical posting next week. I have had my End of posting(EOP) examination last week. I thought I comfortably passed it, since my groups mates and I have been putting lots of effort in preparing and practicing for it. Obtaining an 'Exemplary' score for one of the components of the exam-- Professionalism certainly boosted my confidence. I have always believed in humility and treating patients with kindness. Anyway, I'm still feeling very incompetent. Is this supposed to be normal? 

I can't help but keep wondering how 4 months of medical posting(another 2 months in stage 3.2) could adequately prepare us for our housemanship in the future, as the field of internal medicine is so amazingly vast! In my humble opinion, I think generally it's been sort of chaotic for us, in the first few weeks especially. Everyone learns different stuff. Clinical skills are taught differently by different doctors. Clerking patients is entirely dependent on your own initiative. We still do not have actual clinical responsibilities in the wards. Since we are not attached to any particular ward, no one actually knows you. Whenever you go to a ward, you get asked on who you are and what are you doing here. The sense of belonging is indeed lacking.  

If there is one most important word that I have learned throughout this two months, 'INITIATIVE' it is! Well I consider myself to be rather motivated in terms of clerking patients. I feel I could have been bold enough to approach the doctors to present cases to them more often, though.

My first clinical tutor, Dr Luqman was so surprised to hear that blood taking is not required to be learned(nor it is stated anywhere) in this particular rotation, and hence, demanded us to be in the ward to help in blood taking, at 7am in the morning. We were so excited at the first week, and were so fortunate to have nice and kind housemen that were willing to teach us. Dr Kian was like a super nice big brother. My first successful attempt was under the supervision of another houseman called Dr Ian, a kind and inspiring man as well. Dr Sarah was so charming and angelic. Her charismatic personality was everything I wished to be like. My groupmates even made me tell her that she's pretty. Despite the lack of structured schedule as a negative point, I am very grateful to have met nice seniors/housemen who have been very kind and inspiring.  

Dr Luqman was very eager to teach. The end of week 4 also marked the end of his duty to be our tutor. There'll be a new Dr guiding us for the rest of our medical posting. He is undoubtedly frighteningly knowledgeable, but he can be rather OCD sometimes that would drive us crazy. There was once when he taught us fundoscopy, and he got frustrated because the nauseous me couldn't get my groupmate's fundus no matter how hard I try. 

The questions that he posted to us(as well as the answers!!!) would very often render us having absence seizure.

Meeting Dr Henning, my second clinical tutor, who was responsible in guiding us for the second month of our medical posting, was a turning point in my learning journey as a medical student, I believe. Under his guidance and teaching, I believe I have improved drastically, in terms of thinking algorithm and clerking skills. He has taught me the wonder of forming differential diagnoses with just a single chief complaint offered by patients, and how important it is to exclude them to eventually figure out what is the real problem that a patient is experiencing.

Dr Henning has been such an inspiration. He is a kind-hearted, patient and good-tempered man. He has shown me genuine humility and how being nice conquers the hearts of others.

Indeed, I feel very blessed to have started with internal medicine as my first clinical posting. I feel it should have molded a fair foundation for me to continue my learning, in subsequent postings. The awareness of the lacking of knowledge frustrates me, but at least I am now constantly consciously reminded that I need to improve, in order to be a better doctor in the future. I've enjoyed medical posting. The essence of what a physician does, from taking a history, performing physical examinations, to designing a management plan for the patients constantly sparks my enthusiasm. At least for now, internal medicine is definitely on the top of my considerations for future specialisation options.